I just read an article on some of the hardest things you will have to experience after living abroad. A couple of points really tugged at my heartstrings as I reflected upon my transition from leaving China to living in Philadelphia. I am not sure how you'd feel when you are away from your home country. But for me, the initial thought was that it would be fun and exciting to have overseas experience, especially when you knew that you would be spending quite a long time studying at an Ivy League school, and that gave me the competitive edge when I think about what others ( friends in China) are doing. I used to have smug on my face when I tried to build the whole blueprint of my future. However, three months almost past, and that thought seemed to be drifting away, not because it was something that I could not achieve, but because a mix of feelings crept in and it sort of messed up my mind as I struggled to find my niche. With that being said, I was comfortable with the state I am in. But there are times when I kept questioning myself, " Do I overrated my capability to adapt to a new environment? How come I still feel a little alienated or distanced ?" I have not spoken to anyone about this deep-down feeling, but I remember talking to my roommate over dinner several times about this "missing home" subject, and I was quite taken aback by her remarks that she'd really miss home, parents, and everything, and she'd like to fly back to China if the winter break was longer. I haven't reached the point where the eagerness to come back home almost became a dominant longingness. (I tended to attribute this feature to zodiac signs.) However, she did mention that everything just seemed different here, even for the pears and persimmons from the grocery store, which I totally align myself with her after living here for a couple of months.
The article hit a point that I feel most resonated with. It says that you realize that "you are not really sure what 'home' is anymore because you are not sure you fit into the shape of the puzzle piece that you left behind ". I mean, even if I am now living in a dorm where I try to elaborate with all the familiar stuff that I used to have in China, and cook Chinese dishes every meal, this is still not the exact same thing as living in China. Also, about the language thing, the article is right about how people began to mess up their speech patterns and apply the same syntax because their brain is still functioning in the second language. This is what I am experiencing. One time I was calling someone asking a question, and a certain word in my home country dialect just popped up at the end of the sentence. I was so surprised by myself and for that second, I couldn't believe that I did that. At that time, it dawned on me that no matter how fluently I speak English, the first language is always going to be there, holding sway, shaping my mind. I think it is an on-going issue that I need to deal with as long as I set foot on a foreign land. And I think that is one of the things I need to negotiate with my inner self as I continued my progression.
I figure that most of the international students will probably feel the same, or at least similar. But don't be intimidated by what I just said. It is just a transition period that one has to go through. Stay positive and keep your head up !
See you around!
In case you want to see the article:
http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2013/10/the-23-hardest-things-about-moving-home-after-living-abroad/
The article hit a point that I feel most resonated with. It says that you realize that "you are not really sure what 'home' is anymore because you are not sure you fit into the shape of the puzzle piece that you left behind ". I mean, even if I am now living in a dorm where I try to elaborate with all the familiar stuff that I used to have in China, and cook Chinese dishes every meal, this is still not the exact same thing as living in China. Also, about the language thing, the article is right about how people began to mess up their speech patterns and apply the same syntax because their brain is still functioning in the second language. This is what I am experiencing. One time I was calling someone asking a question, and a certain word in my home country dialect just popped up at the end of the sentence. I was so surprised by myself and for that second, I couldn't believe that I did that. At that time, it dawned on me that no matter how fluently I speak English, the first language is always going to be there, holding sway, shaping my mind. I think it is an on-going issue that I need to deal with as long as I set foot on a foreign land. And I think that is one of the things I need to negotiate with my inner self as I continued my progression.
I figure that most of the international students will probably feel the same, or at least similar. But don't be intimidated by what I just said. It is just a transition period that one has to go through. Stay positive and keep your head up !
See you around!
In case you want to see the article:
http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2013/10/the-23-hardest-things-about-moving-home-after-living-abroad/
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